Wow, it has been… a while. Years, in fact. I had intended this website to be a place where I upload journal entries like windows into my life, and somehow I managed to completely abandon it. It has been so long since I even looked at this website that it became deprecated. I reckon nobody else looks at it, as nobody mentioned that it had disappeared. That’s okay. This project is mostly for myself. If you are one of the few who checks this blog and you’re not a part of the Discord, I uploaded a long apology there. I am sorry.

The last major post I made was a review of many different writing apps. The workflow that I had settled on during that review ended up not lasting. In truth, it was too much. Too many steps, too many apps, too many “if” statements to determine which program I would use. Since then, my workflow has naturally been streamlined. Laziness cut out the unnecessary bits, and the result is that most of my notes are taken on actual paper or in Apple Notes. My more permanent writing ends up in Obsidian.

Recently I have been on a bit of a journey through my faith. After wrestling with my purpose and calling in life, and feeling a bit like Jonah running from God, I finally decided to go all in on ministry and attend school for pre-seminary. I’ve been accepted into Moody Bible Institute, and I’m very excited about being immersed in the Word of God. I study on my own, of course, but there is only so much I can learn without direction. The choice to go to Moody is an interesting one. Obviously, in order to attend I have to agree with their basic doctrinal position statement. The basics are just that: basic. I don’t think most orthodox Christians would take issue with it. Where breaks may occur with certain denominations of Christianity are their positions on the secondary issues of Calvinism and cessationism.

As someone raised in a Bible Baptist church, I’ve had a number of preconceptions that I’ve had to challenge, especially recently. This church I grew up in was KJV-only, no drums allowed, strongly opposed to Calvinism, and as far as I can tell, cessationist. At around the age of 13 or 14, my family started attending a church that was open to other Bible translations, used a full band for worship, and was not only continuationist but also moderately charismatic. Both churches would be considered low church. While they certainly had their own rituals, they didn’t place much emphasis on the traditions and rituals of the ancient church, and they prioritized the spoken Word over the Sacraments.

There are a number of things I disagree with both of these churches on, and things I disagree with Moody on regarding their secondary issues. I don’t believe it’s possible for anyone to find a church that is in total agreement with their personal beliefs. You might get close, maybe even upper 90%, but I don’t believe that sinful humans can ever be in 100% agreement.

However, lately whenever I listen to a sermon from any pastor at any church, I find myself immediately criticizing it internally.

“What about this Scripture?”

“I’m not sure that Scripture means what you’re using it for.”

“You completely ignored the Scriptures that come before and after it!”

And I think this kind of mindset can be explained in a couple of easy ways: being a skeptic, being discerning, being passionate about the Word of God, etc… but there is more to it than any of these can explain. My very soul feels like it has been weighing heavy. I couldn’t resist challenging my own foundations as well. What about many of the doctrines I had been raised on and took at face value?

For a while I had considered myself to be non-denominational; I don’t like to fit into a box. However, I had a sudden urge to research and identify the denomination I am most in agreement with. A quick overview of many denominations revealed something that wasn’t much of a surprise. I’m mostly Baptist! But upon this realization, an even stronger burden gripped my soul: are those beliefs that I’ve held since I was a child actually in line with Scripture? Or is some other denomination more faithfully teaching the apostolic doctrines?

Now, for anyone reading this, especially fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, please do not take this as a denouncement of certain denominations. This is my personal journey through the study of Scripture and the theology of different denominations: their arguments and their origins. I won’t go far into details, and in truth I couldn’t do any of them justice if I did. I would recommend you look into official documentation from each denomination regarding their doctrinal positions and arguments for them. What they officially endorse is often somewhat different from what you’ve heard preached by or about them. For my own research, I’ve looked into denominations ranging from the Reformed Calvinists to the Roman Catholics.

To list just a few:

• Southern Baptist Convention (SBC)
• Reformed Baptist
• Presbyterian Church in America (PCA)
• Global Methodist Church (GMC)
• Anabaptist
• Church of Christ
• Assemblies of God
• Lutheran Church - Missouri Synod (LCMS)
• Church of England
• Eastern Orthodox
• Roman Catholic Church (RCC)

And so on.

This has been hard for me, but ultimately edifying. No, I have not come to a conclusion yet as to which I believe is most aligned with what Scripture teaches. However, there are some difficult topics I’ve had to wrestle with. These topics are especially difficult for me because they concern beliefs I’ve held from the Baptist and charismatic churches I grew up in. Now that I’m exploring the doctrines of the church fathers and the origins of denominations, I’m beginning to pull away from the two churches I was raised in. Once again, I don’t denounce either of them or claim them to be false; I believe both are well-intended and conducive to genuine conversion. Their primary doctrines are orthodox. On secondary issues, issues that are important but not as important as primary issues, I now believe neither was much closer to being right.

If you’ve experienced something like this, you’ll understand what I mean when I say that it feels like my whole world is being turned upside down. My worldview itself, while still Christian, has been split apart, turned inside out, and is being examined under the light of the Scriptures. It is a crisis: spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Through this time I am praying hard and studying hard, hoping that I will be pliant to God’s will and direction.

There is one denomination that, in these early phases of study, is pulling ahead of the others. When I read the Scriptures and read their positions and arguments, they just make good sense. Even positions that I once believed were erroneous due to my background, now re-examined more charitably, are seeming reasonable. This church is neither the Bible Baptist nor the non-denominational charismatic church of my youth. It is also not a church that endorses or is endorsed by Moody Bible Institute, which I will continue to attend and plan to graduate from. It may turn out that I am convinced to return to where I started: the Baptist faith. Who knows the future but God? It may also turn out that once I finish my undergraduate studies at Moody, I could decide to attend seminary for an entirely unexpected denomination.

I’m not ready to announce conversion yet, but the more I study, the more I’m convinced that my long-held beliefs may not have been the most faithful interpretation of Scripture.

Wait patiently, watch, and you might see where I land.