I’m writing this as a stream of consciousness. It will be edited somewhat, but you can expect a variety of thoughts. The purpose of this post can be summed up in two statements: to provide an update to previously open-ended articles and to create some sense of regularity. I started to upload monthly to the blog, and then somehow managed to miss last month entirely. I hope to write at least one article a month, but as usual, I can make no promises. Real life has a special way of throwing curve balls at us.

The first matter of importance is faith. To some of you who may read this, faith might not seem that important to you. You’re welcome to skip this paragraph if you desire. Faith is the most important topic to me. I want to know God as best as I possibly can. In my personal time studying God’s Word and the history of the church, I’ve been led to doctrines and denominations that made me feel uncomfortable. This is mostly because they contradict what I grew up believing. They are foreign to me. However, after much prayer, I had to concede that if I want to know God as deeply as possible, hearing the most right teaching of the Scripture is far more important than what I am familiar and comfortable with. Everything I do and believe should be subject to consistency with the Scripture. What about when two doctrines appear equally viable but are contradictory? I would then prioritize the oldest doctrines, especially those of the first three and four centuries of Christianity. Unless you believe that the early church apostatized as soon as the apostles died, you should expect that the doctrines closest to the apostles were those taught by the apostles or were in line with the apostles' teachings. This manner of thinking led me to four church “denominations.” Anyone who has followed this path likely knows where I am going with this. The four are: Eastern Orthodoxy, Roman Catholicism, confessional Lutheranism, and Anglicanism. I will not go into the teachings of each, nor go deeply into the reasons for my ultimate choice here. I briefly say this; I am now attending a confessional Lutheran church. I’ve not been accepted to Communion yet, but hopefully soon. I do not say this to put some kind of burden on anyone’s heart that they must go to a Lutheran church. I only say this because I believe this is where the Lord is leading me.

The second matter concerns personality. At the end of my previous article on personality, I said I would either pay for a test to differentiate INTP from INTJ for me, or I would lean into my hunch (implying that my hunch would lead to INTJ). I have tried to read more about these two personality types, even re-reading articles I’ve already been through, but the more I read the more confused I become. Also, I decided that paying for a test to tell me one letter was not worth my money. If anyone wants to get it for me- don’t. Save your money. Or make a donation somewhere. So, I’m leaning on my hunch. I think in all likelihood I am an INTJ. A “Mastermind,” as they call it. Though I won’t be heartbroken if I eventually find out I’m something else. In truth, a lot of my turbulence and anxiety, whether rooted in the mind or not, has receded at the new depths of theology and prayer that I now study. Praying the Apostle’s Creed, the Lord’s Prayer, Luther’s Morning and Evening Prayers, the Jesus Prayer, and Psalm 23 consistently has been one of the best changes in my life. I highly recommend trying it out for a while.

Thirdly, concerning schooling. If you don’t know, I am attending Moody Bible Institute. Moody, as far as I can tell, is not officially affiliated with any denomination. However, it certainly has a Reformed Baptist leaning. This is a bit different from Lutheran theology. Despite the differences, I plan to continue my education with Moody to finish out my degree in Biblical Studies. From there I had planned to continue at Moody for my M. Div., but it’s looking more like that won’t be my path. The Lord has a way of changing our plans. I can’t predict the future, but my current hope is to attend a Lutheran seminary after Moody. Lord willing, I may be working on an M. Div. from ALTS in a couple of years. I am grateful for all prayers concerning this matter.

Lastly, regarding other goals and hobbies (of which I have too many), I hope to gain some consistency. I have been exercising regularly, and hope that this continues. It’s a bit hard when you don’t expect to see any changes for months. The exercise itself is a lot of effort, and when you don’t see results, it can make you want to quit. It helps to write down how many repetitions I’m doing, so that my next exercise session I can try to target a higher number. While I may not see any changes in my body yet, I can see changes on my paper showing that I am doing more than before, and that is encouraging. I also recently picked up guitar again. It feels like I’m picking it up for the first time. My hands have forgotten how to play since the accident. Occasionally I find myself panicking or apprehensive, due to the event that made me put down guitar in the first place. But I want to play again, and overcoming this beast of an obstacle can be a major life lesson. I try to post and comment on X regularly, though I’m not too good at it with some accounts. My main is the most active, which is unfortunate in some ways. My YouTube channel is still suffering. I apologize to anyone who follows me here and there. I want to start uploading again, but I don’t know what to upload and I don’t have any nice backgrounds for shooting video where I currently live. It could just be gameplay, but I don’t feel like I’m a particularly entertaining narrator. We’ll see.

All things considered, I’ve got a lot keeping me busy. I am fortunate to say that all of the things occupying most of my time are things that I want to be doing. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t hard or stressful at times. It certainly doesn’t mean that I don’t want to quit on occasion. But I keep pushing forward because I want to do the best that I can for God, and that means trying to do better than I did before. For the first time I think I finally understand desiring God more than my shame. So I try to do better. And if I fail, I keep pressing on. If I give up, I’m not doing anything for God, and that does not give Him glory or honor. I’m not perfect and I’m not cured of depression, but I trust that God is transforming me “into the same image from one degree of glory to another” (2 Cor. 3:18b ESV).